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Joke o the day
In an effort to lighten the mood I thought I'd give this Topic exactly what it's called, "Just for fun.", so here is the first, and possibly last, joke 'o' the day.
An Amish lady is driving to town in her horse-drawn buggy and a policeman stops her.
"Don't worry ma'am you weren't doing anything wrong, I just wanted to tell you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken. You should get it fixed right away, I wouldn't want anything to happen to you out here on this busy road." says the officer.
"Thank you so much" she replies "I'll have my husband attend to it as soon as I get home."
"Oh, and I see the harness is a little tangled up there to ma'am" the officer adds "In fact it appears that one of the reins is wrapped around your horses testicles and, well ma'am, some people might take that as animal cruelty. You should get that straightened out too."
She again thanks him for pointing these problems out to her and wishes him a good day, and away she goes on her way.
Latrer when she gets home she tells her husband that a police officer stopped her to say that the reflector is broken and can he fix it for her.
"Of course dear, I'll get right to it." he replies.
"Oh" she says "he also mentioned there might be a problem with that new emergency brake you hooked up last week too."
Best of luck.
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Joke o the day
In keeping with the bear theme going on another thread, and to appeal to Mark love of double entendre, a bear joke:
A 'city fella' goes off into the country with his gal, finds a nice spot for a picnic and settles down for a romantic afternoon. Along comes a bear who scares the gal badly, the fella is furious that the bear spoiled his plans. He goes to his house, drops off his girl, takes his pistol and goes back to look for the bear. Sure enough, the bear is curled up sleeping on their blanket, full from eating their lunch. He sneaks up, clenches his teeth, closes his eyes and empties his gun, point blank. The smoke clears and to his surprise, there is NO bear, dead or otherwise. He goes back to his car and proceeds to put his pistol back in the trunk, as he bends into the trunk he feels a tap on his shoulder, he turns and there is the bear who says "You were trying to KILL me!!", the man denies it "No" he says "I just came up her for a little romance with my gal.". The bear says "Romance, huh, I'll teach you to try and kill me, drop your drawers and get over that trunk lid mister!".
REALLY furious the man drives back to the gun shop and buys a bigger gun, goes back to the woods and tries again, and again the bear is waiting for him at the car, "This time you were trying to kill me" the bear says, again the man denies it, and again the bear decides to teach him a lesson instead of killing him, and once again 'bends him over the car'.
REALLY, really mad now, the man again drives back to the gun shop, this time he buys a bazooka and heads back to the woods. Finding the bear picking at an old stump he lines up the bazooka and BOOM, half the hill is gone ...
The man goes back to his car, finally, satisfied he has triumphed over the bear, he starts apcking away the bazooka into the trunk.
From behind him he hears the bears voice.... "OK, now I believe you, you really are just coming up here for a little romance, now drop your drawers......."
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Joke o the day
Two guys walk into a bar .....
The third guy sees it in time and ducks .......
ERR, um, yeah, is it time to pull that guy's wife out again yet?
Best of luck.
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Joke o the day
Seasonal joke.
Did you hear about the politician who broke his arm raking leaves?
He fell out of the tree trying to pat himself on the back for doing such a good job.
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Joke o the day
A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
The bartender tells the sandwich he must leave, he's not allowed in the bar.
The sandwich states that it's against the law for the bartender to discriminate against him on the basis he's a sandwich.
The bartender politely says it's not discrimination, but he must leave.
The sandwich asks "On what grounds do I have to leave?"
To which the bartender replies "There's a sign at the door that clearly states WE DON'T SERVE FOOD. Get out."
Best of luck.
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Joke o the day
Chief, you forgot one.
CANADIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Winter arrives.
You diversify into the ice cream business.
California Corporation claims unfair subsidy and imposes trade restrictions.
You sell your ice cream to Europe.
 MAO.
Best of luck.
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Joke o the day
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband No.1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it's going to be," she said.
"Husband No. 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
"Husband No. 3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
"Husband No. 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband No. 5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
"Husband No. 6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
"Husband No. 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
"Husband No. 8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
"Husband No. 9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
"Husband No. 10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was..mmmmmmm ....God I miss him!!!!
But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!" said the bride. "Good," said the husband, "but, why?"
"You're a Tax Man...... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"
Moral of the story, even the Tax Man is appreciated by somebody!
Best of luck.
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Joke o the day
In honour of our friend the Beagle-miester's presently running thread about his computer problems, here isa funny from a techie friend of mine.
A little boy asks his Father, "Daddy, where did I come from?"
The father says, "Ah, well, my son, one day you will need to find out anyway, might as well be now..." he contiunes "Your Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cybercafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and then your Mother downloaded from Dad's memory stick. As soon as Dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later, you, our blessed little virus appeared. That's the how it happened."
Best of luck.
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Joke o the day
Here are some of Murphy's OTHER, less known laws;
1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
8. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.
9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
10. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
11. He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.
12 She's always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the "June flower."
13. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
14. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
15. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
16. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
17. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
18. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
19. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.
20. Just remember if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
21. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
22. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
23. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
24. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population.
25. If the shoe fits, get an other one just like it.
26. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
27. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking.
28. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
29. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
30. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
31. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
32. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens
33. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
34. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
35. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
36. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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Joke o the day
Here's one in honour of our members who served us keeping our streets safe.....
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the
owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the
trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away
to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5
police cars circle the car. The old Sargeant slowly
approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have
stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of
your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an
empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not
have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch
purse and hands it to the officer saying "I've never had so much as a parking ticket young man."
The officer examines the license. He looks quite
puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me
you didn't have a license, that you stole this car,
and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: WHAT?? Why I'll bet the liar even told you I was speeding, too didn't he???.
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Joke o the day
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in..... THEN the trouble started.
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Joke o the day
Three young boys were trying to figure out whose Dad was the best and the fastest.
"My Dad is so good he can shoot an arrow, run after it, get in front of it, and catch it in his bare hands."
"My Dad is so good that he can shoot a gun, run after the bullet, get in front of it and catch it in his bare hands."
"I've got you both beat. My Dad's the best and the fastest because he works for the Government. He gets off work at 5:00 has a half-hour commute and is home by 4:30."
Hopefully his Dad is not the President.
Best of luck.
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